


but it was beautiful also (there was a stillness in the world)

by milominderbinder



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Boys In Love, Fluff, Insomnia, Living Together, M/M, Sleepy Cuddles, quiet moments
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-03
Updated: 2017-05-03
Packaged: 2018-10-27 19:45:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10815486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/milominderbinder/pseuds/milominderbinder
Summary: Sometimes, Isak can’t even bring himself to be upset by his insomniac nights, because it gives him an excuse to look at Even like this -- soft and sleeping, barely lit up by the glow of their alarm clock and the city lights filtering in through the curtains they never hung right.  Even isn’t a subtle person, and there’s often a childlike look to his happiness, but sleep gives his face a whole new level of innocence.  His expression is soft and slack, hair flopping all over his face; his lips are parted just a tiny bit, and once in a while, they twitch up at the corners for a moment.  He must be having happy dreams.Isak has never felt love like this before.





	but it was beautiful also (there was a stillness in the world)

**Author's Note:**

> you guys i wrote this at about 4am last night on my phone in the dark because i couldn't sleep and wanted to project my insomnia onto isak because i love him ♥♥ then i woke up this morning and realised i'd sleepily posted it on tumblr, and also that it was somehow over 1k words??? anyway as a general rule i post all my writing over a thousand words on here, so, hey, i guess this is getting a post. the only editing i've done is adding capital letters so pls let me know if you spot any mistakes! 
> 
>  
> 
> _title from a poem by douglas dunn!_

It’s 3:47, and Isak can’t sleep.

His insomnia is usually a lot better these days, since coming to terms with himself and coming out and getting into a stable relationship, but he’s still prone to anxious overthinking, and sometimes that still keeps him awake for too-long stretches into the night.  Tonight, Even passed out hours ago, but Isak has a big essay due soon and a dinner with his dad next week and a whole bunch of tiny little worries, about laundry and shopping and the flat tire of his bike, that have all burrowed into his brain and turned into an insurmountable obstacle when it comes to falling asleep. He’s tried counting sheep and counting his breaths, singing songs in his head and or clearing his mind, lying on his back and his front and his side, cuddling up to Even or sprawling all the way on the other side of their big bed.  Nothing's working.  His body is exhausted, dragging down into the mattress, but no matter what he tries his brain is wide awake and buzzing.

Eventually, he gives up on trying to drop off, and rolls over to stare at his boyfriend.

Sometimes Isak can’t even bring himself to be upset on the nights he can’t sleep, because it gives him an excuse to look at Even like this -- soft and sleeping, barely lit up by the glow of their alarm clock and the city lights filtering in through the curtains they never hung right.  Even is dead to the world when he sleeps, occasionally letting out little huffs of breath or half-muffled snores, sometimes shifting about to get more comfortable in his cocoon of blankets, but mostly not reacting to anything at all.  Even isn’t a subtle person, and there’s often a childlike look to his happiness, but sleep gives his face a whole new level of innocence.  His expression is soft and slack, hair flopping all over his face. His lips are parted just a tiny bit, and once in a while, they twitch up at the corners for a moment.  He must be having happy dreams.

Isak curls up on his side and looks, feeling his heart squeeze with unrecognisable and unnameable things.  He wonders if he will ever get tired of looking at Even. It’s amazing, but he hasn’t yet; even though the new-relationship novelty has worn off by now, and the rose-tinted glasses were all but ripped from his face, Isak actually likes looking at Even _more_.  This version of him, so close up that Isak can see the spots and birthmarks on the side of his face, and the cracks of his lips because he licks them too much, and the sleep dust in the corners of his eyes, and that his hair is a little bit greasy because he uses too much conditioner, and that his t-shirt is all twisted up and has toothpaste stains on the collar -- this version of Even is more beautiful than any picture-perfect moviestar version Isak fantasised over when they first met. This version of Even is _his_.

Isak is still exhausted, and his eyes feel heavy and sore from being awake, but if his mind won’t let him fall asleep he thinks looking at Even is a good enough alternative.  He reaches out and prods Even’s lips with one finger, feeling Even’s breath against his hand for a moment.  Then he runs his hand through Even’s hair for a bit, making it stand up against the pillow, getting all staticy and clinging to Isak’s wrist.

Eventually, a very bleary Even wakes up because he needs to pee; at first, he doesn’t even notice that Isak is awake beside him and just stumbles quietly out to their bathroom, but on his way back he seems to spot that Isak’s eyes are open.

“Did I wake you?” Even mumbles, his voice all soft and gentle as he slides back under the warm duvet and wraps his long limbs all around Isak, tugging him in a bit too close to be practical.  Isak huffs, half a laugh, and clings onto Even’s arm.

“Can’t sleep,” he says, just as quiet.  They have their own place now and there’s nobody to wake up if they wanted to talk loud, but somehow they both always recognise when it’s time for quietness; they’re both good at living in the soft places, the gaps between the chaos.

“Aww,” Even breathes, and presses his lips messily against Isak’s forehead a few times. He’s still half asleep, Isak can tell, but he’s valiantly fighting the way his eyes keep trying to slip closed again because he hates when Isak is awake without him. “Hey, come here.”

Even rolls onto his back again, burrowing deeper under the covers, and dragging Isak along with him.  With a bit of prodding and manhandling, Isak ends up laying on his stomach, resting more on Even than on the mattress.  His face is turned in and resting on Even’s chest; this is very underhanded of Even, because he knows this is Isak’s most comfy position in the universe.

“Can you hear my heartbeat?” Even mumbles, as his arm curls around Isak’s shoulders. If they fall asleep like this Even’s gonna get a dead arm, but Isak doesn’t say that, because he knows Even will just say _I don’t care_.  Instead he shoves his face closer into Even’s chest, and nods a bit, cheek dragging against the soft cotton of Even’s t-shirt. Even says, “then try and breathe along with it, m'kay? I’ll –” he stops to let out a huge yawn, and continues in an ever more bleary voice, “I’ll be here ‘til you fall asleep.”

Isak is pretty sure Even is gonna be asleep again within ten seconds, but that just makes him feel unbearably fond. He listens to Even’s gentle slow heartbeat under his ear, and takes a long, deep breath.  His nose is crushed up against Even’s shirt so all he can smell is lavender laundry powder and deodorant and weed.  In the last six months this combination has become his favourite smell.

Even pulls the duvet up so far it almost completely covers Isak’s head, and pretty soon after that his hand goes still where it had been stroking Isak’s shoulder.  His breathing falls back into his slow little huffed breaths and tiny snores; pressed so close against him, Isak can feel the vibrations.

Isak is never going to have a perfect alliance with sleep. But tonight, all of this is somehow enough to help.  His endless mind quiets down, and he loses himself in the smell of Even, the heat of his body and the softness of their bed and the silence of everything around them.  The all-encompassing feeling of safety.  Without realising it’s happening, Isak cuddles a tiny bit further onto Even's chest, and finally falls asleep too.

**Author's Note:**

> aaand that's my first offical evak fic, i guess? please leave a comment and let me know if you think i handled the characterisation okay! i'm always nervous with my first time writing new characters ;~;
> 
> you can also find me on tumblr, where i mostly just cry about skam and apparently now post fics and gifs in the middle of the night when i can't sleep ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


End file.
